SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL PUNSLINGER!
With a blog title like that, it’s hardly surprising no-one in television wants my work.
Anyway, once again, my plans to attend some of the great comedy on the Edinburgh Fringe have been thwarted by abject poverty. Apparently, I may get 74p from the Live 8 coffers but I’m not holding out hope – there are many mouths more deserving of a Crosse & Blackwell Full Monty Hunger Break than mine.
The chances of me ever making it up there as a performer are remote too, given that my only acting experience is a ten-day spell as third gusset from the left in The Hemel Hempstead Playhouse’s interpretation of Chicago, sadly curtailed by a recurring groin injury – it was a very demanding role.
However, I figured that some of you may be heading north of the border during August - particularly if the only part of the Underground running by then is the Mill Hill East branch line - and might want some recommendations.
Some of these people I know personally and / or have seen live, or are friends of friends, whereas others are people I don’t know and haven’t seen live but are already well known and appearing in shows that look rather spiffy. There’s also a good chance I owe several of them money and have probably spilt wine over at least two of them at thespy parties, media events, showbiz cremations etc.
Information is correct at time of posting. Visit Chortle’s guide (from whence most of this information came) or the official
BLACK SHEEP: ROAD TO PISA
Ciaran Murtagh, Andrew Jones & Naomi Kerbel
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 14:30 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29
Two unlikely acrobats and a stunning peasant hit Renaissance Italy's variety circuit, braving death, rivalry and a wonky tower in this energetic comedy inspired by the 'Road To' movies of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, which will leave you with a smile on your face, a song in your heart and spaghetti in your lap.
MARC BLAKE IN MANNERS!
VENUE: Laughing Horse at Canons Gait
TIME: 17:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 6 to 27
Turn off your mobile phones. Don't forget to thank the other driver. Don't go on a date with flowers you have found attached to a railing. With these sage words of advice, Marc Blake launches his one man offensive against the epidemic of bad manners and substandard behaviour. Regulars on the London scene and veterans of the 2004 festival may otherwise know Marc as Helmut, Germany's only stand-up comedian, who was fully compliant with EU directive 30 771 (Amusements).
A BRITISH GUIDE TO FRENCH POP
Toby Mitchell
VENUE: C Electric
TIME: 21:25 (50 mins)
DATE: August 3 to 13
Can the French do pop music? A question which has tormented many a cultural commentator. Toby Mitchell endeavours to find out - and discovers the secret of good living by mistake.
ADAM BUXTON: I, PAVEL
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 21:20 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29 (not 15, 22)
Co-creator of cult TV classic The Adam & Joe Show makes his Edinburgh debut as Pavel, the most passionate, most intense and least talented East European avant-garde artist of the last 50 years.
JO CAULFIELD: WHO ARE YOU?
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 20:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29
Damn funny award-winning comedian Jo Caulfield returns with another hour of sharp and bitchy stand-up, covering everything from embarrassing girlfriends and people who swap partners to identity cards and kids’ bedtime stories.
CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME by Mark Whiteley
Nicholas Gallagher & Cerianne Roberts
Directed by Sara Poyzer
VENUE: Barnardo’s charity shop, 106 Nicholson Street
TIME: 19:00
DATE: August 7 to 29
The Hard Graft Theatre Company are no strangers to performing in alternative spaces, having already performed in shops, offices, houses and narrow boats with their sell out Fringe show Thick As Thieves. Charity Begins At Home is the story of Burt ‘n’ Joyce, two volunteer charity shop workers on an ordinary High Street, who are about to have the most extraordinary day of their lives, with the discovery of £15,000 cash, two ski masks and a gun left in a bag outside the shop. Burt’s dreams of owning a static caravan on the east coast are dashed by Joyce’s kindness to others, a story of friendship, fig rolls and how to spend a fortune. Proceeds go to Barnardo’s projects in Scotland.
COLIN & FERGUS
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 18:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29 (not 16)
Writer's Guild Award-winners 2004, Colin and Fergus return with a brand new collection of sketches and characters. [However, I have it on good authority that Theatre Group’s “enthusiastic and genuinely untalented” Peter Ogden and his beautiful wife Philipp…Sarah will be making their return to the festival. C&F devotees – of which there are an increasing amount – will also be pleased to hear that Bill and Ken, those two men with a more than peculiar view on homosexuality, divorce and testicular cancer, will be joining them as part of their community service. Do not miss.]
CONFESSIONS OF A JINGLE WRITER
Tom Hodge
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 16:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 5 to 29 (not 10, 17)
BARRY CRYER & RONNIE GOLDEN: LITTLE RICHARD III
VENUE: Gilded Balloon Teviot
TIME: 18:45 (1hr)
DATE: August 14 to 28
The House of Plantaganet meets the frenzied rock and roller with the little known twelve-bar blues My Kingdom for a Horse.
DIRTY FAN MALE
VENUE: Gilded Balloon Teviot
TIME: 18:45 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 28 (not 15)
The cult hit of 2004 returns! Genuine letters to porn stars performed exactly as they're written. Filthy, hilarious and disturbing. [Fellow Dog Big Jel’s a huge fan of this lot. Me? I prefer to order in some back issues of Knave, call up Vanessa Feltz and pay her £200 an hour to read out the confessions over an old Brighouse & Rastrick Brass Band album I have. A more expensive option, but a man has his needs, you know.]
FORDHAM & LIPSON: HE BARKS SHE BITES
Philippa Fordham & Simon Lipson
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 17:55 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29
Fordham and Lipson play an array of diverse and extraordinary characters in a panoply of sketches - some dark, some slightly strange and some just plain silly. For example, meet an inadequate couple on a blind date whose tortured conversation finally blooms into something musically dramatic, before sinking back into painful mundanity. [Warning: you may never hear late 70s soul the same way again. Fabulous stuff.]
RICHARD HERRING: SOMEONE LIKES YOGHURT
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 20:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29 (not 16)
Richard’s 20th show at the Fringe - and a return to stand-up after a 13-year hiatus. In Someone Likes Yoghurt, he defends himself against the malicious yoghurt-based rumours that have been blighting his life, proposes a less sorrowful magpie reward system and explains why he applied for the job of Pope, despite his atheism and his desire to destroy all world religions.
ABSOLUTELY PRESENTS FRANK HOVIS IN FILTH
John Sparkes
VENUE: Gilded Balloon Teviot
TIME: 23:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 28
When Frank Hovis (aka John Sparkes) appeared in Absolutely on Channel 4, The Sunday Times described him as “gross, disgusting, and very, very funny”. That was in 1992 - now it's 2005. [Not only is it great to see Sparkes on telly again but…Frank Hovis on the Gavatory! His routine about taking a dump in the back of a taxi, where the driver asks for a tip and Hovis replies “I’d clean that crap out the back of your cab if I were you” has stayed with me all these years. Now all I need is the return of a mid 40s Kevin Turvey and I can die happy.]
NEIL INNES EGO WARRIORS
VENUE: Spiegel Garden
TIME: 18:00 (1hr 10 mins)
DATE: August 23 and 24
Multi-talented musical genius of The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band and The Rutles, Neil brings his songs to Edinburgh for two nights as part of his 60th birthday celebrations. [He sued Oasis…and lived to tell the tale! But will Ron Nasty be making an appearance?]
DEMETRI MARTIN: THESE ARE JOKES
VENUE: George Square Theatre
TIME: 21:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 17 to 28
Perrier Award Winner 2003 Demetri Martin is back. He has brand new things to say. They are jokes. They are good. Demetri has won trophies for comedy. [Demetri’s PR is unwell.]
THE MONKEY BUTLERS
Hal Cruttenden, Zoe Lyons, Caimh McDonnell & Paddy Lennox
VENUE: Underbelly
TIME: 15:30 (1hr)
DATE: August 6 to 28 (not 16)
Monkey Butlers are a dynamic new sketch team made up of four of the most exciting comedians on the UK circuit. Together they present a show which combines imaginative writing styles, professional acting and huge stand-up experience.
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS
VENUE: Assembly @ George Street
TIME: 16:00 (1hr)
DATE: August 5 to 29
The only stage version of Monty Python, in French! Following a sell-out London run and three years in Paris, the team returns to Edinburgh with a new improved show.
NEWSREVUE 24/7
Gemma Whelan, James Burton, Kylie Butler & Thomas Nelstrop
VENUE: C Electric
TIME: 20:30 (1hr)
DATE: August 5 to 29 (not 16)
Its unique high-octane mix of cruel sketches and savage songs has made NewsRevue the Guinness World Record Holder for the Longest Running Live Comedy. Always a sell-out, so book early.
THE ODD COUPLE
Bill Bailey, Alan Davies, Ian Coppinger, Katherine Jakeways, Dave Johns, Owen O'Neill, Phil Nicol & Lizzie Roper
Directed by Guy Masterson
VENUE: Assembly Hall
TIME: 15:15
DATE: August 5 to 28
Originally conceived by Neil Simon, who best described the play in a treatment submitted to Paramount: “Two men - one divorced and one estranged and neither quite sure why their marriages fell apart - move in together to save money for alimony and suddenly discover they're having the same conflicts and fights they had in their marriages.” [Whether the esteemed talents of Bailey and Davies can come close to emulating Lemmon and Matthau remains to be seen – but it should be interesting nonetheless.]
NICHOLAS PARSONS' HAPPY HOUR
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 17:10 (1hr 10mins)
DATE: August 11 to 27
Flamboyant, outrageous, engaging. A truly interactive comedy show with high profile guests from all areas of showbusiness. [That’s all very well, but whither the instant sales?]
SUE PERKINS: SPECTACLE WEARER OF THE YEAR 2006
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 20:35 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 28
Sue Perkins takes advantage of comedy partner Mel Giedroyc's ASBO to go solo in her first ever stand-up show.
JOHN SHUTTLEWORTH: FAWN AGAIN
Graham Fellows
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 15:30 (1hr)
DATE: August 7 to 12
The versatile singer/organist is feeling his age. John's kids have left home and dinner lady wife, Mary, will soon be retired. The world is spinning ever faster and John's starting to get dizzy. [All together now: Pigeons in flight, I wanna see you tonight…]
SPANK!
VENUE: The Underbelly
TIME: 00:00 (3hrs)
DATE: August 5 to 28
Featuring awesome comedians, Perrier Winners, sexy DJs and a bar with tons of booze. Anything can happen. [Hello, Leon.]
TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS: ADVENTURES IN MIDDLE AMERICA VOLUME II
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 19:20 (1hr)
DATE: August 5 to 29 (not 15)
Indie-vaudeville conceptual pop band who find vintage slide collections at thrift stores, then turn them into pop-musical exposes. Jason plays piano/guitar/vocals, Tina: slideshow, Rachel (aged 11): drums.
TIM VINE: CURRENT PUNS
VENUE: Pleasance Courtyard
TIME: 18:40 (1hr)
DATE: August 3 to 29 (not 9, 16)
Fresh from breaking the Guinness World Record for Most Jokes Told In One Hour, Tim Vine returns to Edinburgh with lots of new stupidity. Gag follows gag follows gag. [Laugh too much and you’ll probably miss half his set and have to go see him again…]